East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We got so high we made milksteak
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
