On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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