My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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