i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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