Don't make out with my wife yet
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
