the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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