I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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