mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
