My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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