in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I faked an abortion last night.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
