Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
