I'm so fucking centered right now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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