wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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