My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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