You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
