did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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