haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
