Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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