sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
