I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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