She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
