Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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