Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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