I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
