I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
