So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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