I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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