she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
