During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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