I think I am morally bankrupt
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
