My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I touched a dick in church today
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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