WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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