meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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