I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
