Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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