i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
