i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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