my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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