90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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