he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
