Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
