You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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