I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
