If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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