She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
