do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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