for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
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I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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