kristin has been a bad kristin
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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