Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
