i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
