Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
