Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize