the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
