He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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