Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
