She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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