and next time when you feel me up, do it right
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
