I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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