My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
