Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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