This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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