I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
