I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
