Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
