i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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