Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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