Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
