felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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