i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
