rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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