I'm really into asian looking animals
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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