I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
