I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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