Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
