i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
