Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
