There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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