I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
