she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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