You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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