Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
