Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
