OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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