i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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