Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
