I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
